I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
