So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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