i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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