I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
