oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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