you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
