Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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