you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
