i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
