RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
