i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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