its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Damn victory sex feels great
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
