I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
