how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
