When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
