I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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