Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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