Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
