I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
