I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
