I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
