omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Can I color on your dick again?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
