May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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