I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
