the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
