I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
