It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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