My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
