Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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