My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
