I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
