I'm going to jail i love you
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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