I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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