Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
