why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
