it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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