Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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