i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
