It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
