I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
