During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
