So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
