He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
