Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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