An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
