guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
