last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
