I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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