i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
