I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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