the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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