youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It's never too late to be topless.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
