I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
