Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
