If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
