I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Is Oprah even human
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
