Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
