Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
